


I got a river for a soul and baby you're a boat

by Nessa123



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Derek Leaves Beacon Hills, Eventual Sex, F/M, Heartbroken Stiles, M/M, Mates, Past Braeden/Derek Hale, Past Jennifer Blake/Derek Hale, Past Stiles Stilinski/Malia Tate, Rimming, Then comes back, derek and stiles are oblivious, full shift wolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:10:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4517868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nessa123/pseuds/Nessa123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek and Stiles are in love with each other but both are too stupid to figure it out. After so much has happen they each decide to try and get what they really want but then Derek leaves and Stiles is left heartbroken. Eventually he comes back and Stiles isn't sure how he feels. </p><p>I suck at summaries sorry!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story on here so be nice. I'll try to update regularly. 
> 
> Yes the title is from One Direction's new song... Don't judge me.

For Stiles it started around the time he saved Derek from the kanima. Logically he knew letting go of Derek and swimming underwater wasn't the smartest idea but he had to try something. Had to try and save the paralyzed werewolf. He knew Derek would be mad at him but Stiles thought having Derek mad would be better than having him dead so he did what he had to do.

After that, when he had finally gotten home and was curled up in his bed, it hit him how close he had been to losing Derek. That thought made him shiver, made his heart ache but most of all it nearly sent him into a panic attack. He couldn't live without Derek. Stiles knew the werewolf hated him but for some reason that only made Stiles want Derek's approval more.

It progressed after that. Stiles constantly wanted Derek, thought about him when he should've been doing other things. The night Boyd died, when Stiles had laid his hand on Derek's shoulder it wasn't just to comfort the wolf. It was to comfort himself as well. Stiles and Boyd hadn't been close, not by any means, but Stiles still felt the heartbreak of losing a friend. When he had touched Derek he had felt his shoulders sag, knew it wasn't from his strength pushing down but that it was from Derek losing strength. Unable to hold his shoulders up, just wanting to curl up in a ball and scream. He didn't though. Derek never did. He simply pushed on, pretending like he wasn't dying inside.

Knowing Derek was dating Miss. Blake, his teacher, really pissed Stiles off. It hurt but it mostly pissed him off. Couldn't the wolf have at least found someone with no connection to Stiles. But then he had found out she was messing with Derek and he was even more pissed off. He was a ball of anger and he wasn't sure who it was directed at. In the end though Stiles felt bad for Derek, knowing that another one of his relationships was a scam had to hurt him, so Stiles let go of his anger pretty quickly.

When the nogitsune happened Stiles lost hope in anything happening with Derek. He knew he was beyond damaged, knew he wasn't good enough for the man. So Stiles put his energy into Malia. Forced himself to focus on helping her, giving her what she needed, so that he wouldn't focus on his desire for Derek. He knew it was wrong every time they had sex that he had to think about Derek just to reach his orgasm but he couldn't stop.

When they were in Mexico and Derek had nearly died, everything changed for Stiles. He no longer cared that he wasn't good enough, he realized life was top short to not take chances for what you wanted. So he broke up with Malia when they got back to Beacon Hills. Told her that there was someone else. She was mad at first but then came to realize that she had relied on Stiles far too much anyways. Stiles knew it was for the best but that didn't mean that he didn't feel bad. She had been his first and he would always remember that. But he didn't love her. He loved Derek. Now all he had to do was convince Derek to love him back.

  
                                                                                                            ------------

For Derek it was different. He didn't have one moment when he realized that the annoying teenager had suddenly become not so annoying. It happened more gradually for him. He had been pissed when Stiles dropped him in the water. So pissed that when he was helping Boyd, Erica and Isaac train he went a little harder than necessary and broke a few of their bones.

When Boyd had died and Stiles had touched his shoulder he had wanted to move and curl himself around the teenager. He wanted to let Stiles hold him and comfort him. He didn't let that happen thought because he knew that Stiles was only being nice. He was always being nice and caring for others. So instead Derek pushed himself up and continued on like nothing was wrong.

Jennifer Blake had been a distraction from everything for him and he knew it. He needed something, or someone, to keep his mind off of the teenager who was constantly in his thoughts. When he found out she was messing with him he was more upset that he hadn't realized her intentions than he was about losing her.

When Cora had been poisoned and Stiles gave her CPR to save her it nearly drove Derek insane. He was so thankful to the boy for saving his sisters life but he could also smell Stiles scent all over her and it drove Derek insane. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hug Stiles for saving Cora or slap him for putting his scent on her.

Finding out Stiles was possessed by the notgitsune had been like a punch to the gut. He knew he had to find a way to save him. Knew he couldn't lose him. That was when he finally accepted his feelings for Stiles. He knew that if it had been almost anyone else he would have simply killed them and be done with it but he couldn't do that with Stiles. Couldn't let anyone do that. Once everything was over Derek watched Stiles attach himself to Malia and it killed him inside. He wanted the boy so bad but he couldn't stand to be rejected so he didn't say anything. Just let the boy be with her.

After everything that happened in Mexico, Derek welcomed the distraction of Braeden. She was able to help him transition into being a human and distract him from Stiles. Being with her sexually made him feel sick after but during it he was able to forget about Stiles. Almost. He could forget about Stiles until he was chasing his orgasm, that was when he would start imagining that he was inside Stiles instead. Pressed so close to the boy nobody would be able to tell where Derek ended and Stiles began. That was when he would come, hard, then roll away from Braeden and pretend to fall asleep.

When he had been bleeding out and Stiles had looked back at him he saw the panic in the boys eyes. He told Stiles to go, to find Scott, because Derek knew there was so much he would say if Stiles stayed and he didn't want that. Didn't want to tell Stiles how he felt then die. He couldn't force Stiles to know that and feel guilty. So Derek kept his mouth shut and resigned himself to his fate. Then, when he had shifted into a full wolf, Derek thought that maybe he could have Stiles. That this could be his second chance to have the boy he loved. He just needed to make Stiles love him back.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes. Let me know if you see any and I'll fix them!

Stiles had known convincing Derek to love him would be difficult but he hadn't realized it would be impossible. When they had gotten back to Beacon Hills from Mexico, Stiles spent the next day breaking up with Malia then had planned to wait for 24 hours to find Derek to tell him how he felt. He hadn't planned to get a text message from Scott informing him that Derek had stayed with Braeden. Stiles had been mad at first, how dare Derek mess up his plans, so he stormed to the loft. Hoping that Scott was wrong. When he'd gotten there and seen that Derek was really gone, Stiles had broken down and cried right there in the loft.

It had been 3 months since then and Derek still wasn't back. At this point Stiles didn't think Derek would ever come back. He had literally given up hope. So he had no one. Malia and him were friendly to one another but rarely talked when it wasn't necessary. Scott was so caught up in Kira that he didn't have a lot of time to spend with Stiles. Liam and him had a difference in personalities so the two of them spending time together never ended well. Lydia was so busy helping Parrish figure out what he was that she kind of forgot about everyone else. Which left Stiles alone.

Stiles thought he would feel lonely, considering most days the only person he saw was his dad, but really he focused on his research so much that he didn't even realize how far everyone had drifted until a pack of werewolves came to town, trying to claim the land as their own. Scott had come bursting into Stiles bedroom at 6 in the morning, causing Stiles to jump and fall off his chair that he had fallen asleep on the night before, telling Stiles to get up and help him find a way to get rid of the pack without killing them.

Once they had gotten rid of the pack everyone realized that they needed to find more time for one another, pack bonding, so it was decided that every Thursday they would meet up, watch movies all night then go home and spend the next day sleeping. They decided to use the loft since nobody else would be there and it kept them from annoying their parents. Most Thursday's they would get through 2 movies then gradually everyone would fall asleep. The next morning the first one to wake up would make coffee and once everyone had finished they went home to have breakfast with their families.

Today was Thursday but Stiles had been so caught up in his research all day that he forgot to check the time. When he had finally gotten all the information he needed and glanced at the clock he jumped up, realizing he was late. He had ran out the door, yelling a quick goodbye to his dad, before getting in his jeep and speeding away. He checked his phone while driving and upon seeing 10 unread messages from Scott, sent a message telling them to start dinner without him before tossing his phone on the passenger seat without reading any of the messages.

Now, pulling up outside the loft, Stiles remembers why he always arrives early. All of the pack members vehicles are parked in odd positions, leaving it hard for him to find a safe place to park. Briefly, he wonders if he could convince his dad or Parrish to come and draw actual parking spaces. Finally finding a place to park Stiles turns the jeep off and gets out, running inside and to the elevators. His phone starts ringing as he's stepping inside and when he glances at it and sees Scott's name he just ignores it, figuring the alpha is telling him to hurry up.

When he finally gets out of the elevator he heads straight for the huge doors of the loft, pulling them open quickly. When he walks in he hears the pack stop talking and he looks up to find them all staring at him. So many pairs of eyes on him that he isn't sure what to do at first. It isn't until he catches sight of a pair of green eyes staring at him intently that he realizes whats happening. He finally clues in to all the calls and texts from Scott, he hadn't wanted Stiles to hurry... No he had been warning him that Derek was back.

Something in Stiles shifted when he thought those words. Derek was back. Standing in the archway that led to the kitchen. Derek's kitchen. Because this was Derek's loft. And Derek looked like he belonged here, which was odd considering he had been gone for so long. Stiles thought his immediate reaction to Derek returning would be anger or even happiness but instead all he felt was panic. His breathing was getting quicker and he felt like he wasn't able to get enough air in because holy shit Derek was back. He was back and standing here and that wasn't fair. Stiles had been trying to move on, had even thought about joining a dating website. Not that he actually would go through with it. But still, it was the thought that count, right?

Stiles was sure he was going into full panic mode. He stumbled a bit and tripped. His face probably would have smacked the ground if it wasn't for a strong arm wrapping around him before he could really fall. Damn supernatural creatures and their fast reflexes. But the arm was attached to a body, to a person that was trying to talk to him. He couldn't hear much over the pounding in his ears. He turned his head slightly, trying to see the persons face so he could try and read their lips. When he moved he saw Scott and that comforted him more than he thought it would. Scott his best friend. He was saying something and Stiles realized he had to focus again. He could just make out what Scott was saying. He was telling him to breathe.

"Come on, Stiles. Match your breathing to mine. In and out. Come on, man" Scott said calmly, breathing slowly as he said it.

Stiles sucked in a ragged breath, feeling slightly light headed. He felt the need to listen to Scott though so he focused harder on matching his breathing to Scott's and after what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes he found himself breathing normally again, his heart rate slowing. He looked at Scott, nodding a thank you before getting up on shaky legs. Turning to look at the pack he intended to give them an encouraging smile, showing that he was okay. But it ended up as more of a surprised look when he saw that Derek was no longer standing in the archway.

"Where did he go?" Stiles asked looking at each person before turning to Scott and cocking his head. A habit he had picked up from being around to many wolves.

"Kitchen. Giving you some privacy after your little incident." Lydia replied, causing Stiles to turn and look at her again. She was sitting beside Parrish on the love seat that Melissa had gave them to bring over when she decided her house needed new furniture. Lydia looked happy, comfortable, and despite how in love Stiles had once been with her he found himself happy that Parrish was able to give her something she so desperately longed for. 

Melissa had also given them a couch and a chair. The couch was currently occupied by Liam and Kira, the spot on the end open for Scott, he assumed. Malia had been in the chair but had moved to Derek's old couch when Stiles had stood up. Probably to allow him the option to sit alone, so he wouldn't feel trapped. Stiles walked slowly over to the empty chair and sat down. He sighed deeply before saying something he never thought he would say...

"Derek, you can come back now."


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a bit longer, I hurt my thumb and its kinda hard to type with a giant band-aid type thing around it.

Stiles first reaction to seeing Derek hadn't been good so he knew he should mentally prepare to see him again. God knows they don't need a repeat of what happened 5  
minutes ago. He probably would've handle the situation a lot differently had he been warned. But really that was his own fault. He really should've paid more attention  
to his phone today.

He hears movement behind him and knows that Derek is walking back into the living room, he's aware that Derek is being loud for his benefit. If Derek doesn't want to  
be heard he won't be so him making noise so Stiles is aware he is there makes him smile a bit. At least he knows Derek cares about him a little bit. Apart from hearing  
Derek it was also almost like Stiles could sense him. He could tell the minute Derek had walked into the room again, even without the noise. Stiles wasn't sure what it  
was that made him feel that way, whether it was simply Derek's presence changed the atmosphere of the room or if Stiles was still hyper-aware of everything the wolf  
did.

Derek walked around the chair Stiles was sitting in, giving a wide birth so as not to get to close and freak him out. He took a seat on the end of his couch  
leaving a spot between him and Malia. With him in the room again Stiles gave himself a moment to access Derek, aware that he was staring and everyone knew it. Derek was  
staring right back at him and if there was one thing Stiles could tell had changed about Derek it was that he had learned about facial expression that didn't just involve  
his eyebrows. Derek now revealed his feelings through his expression and his eyes. He was less gaurded than he had been before. Clearly Braeden had changed him, made  
him feel safe. And maybe that made Stiles feel a bit better about the whole thing. Derek was clearly happier than he had been and if Braeden did that for him who was  
Stiles to be mad, even if he was still heartbroken.

Currently Derek's face and eyes were projecting two very strong emotions and Stiles guessed that if he were a werewolf he would be able to smell the emotions coming of the older man. Derek looked scared but he also looked hurt. Stiles didn't want to look to far into it, he knew it wouldn't be good for his poor heart, but he simply couldn't help but wonder if Derek was hurt by Stiles reaction to seeing him again. 

"Where's Braeden?" Stiles is the first speak, still looking at Derek.

"I'm not sure anymore. Last I saw her was Germany. That was a week ago so she could be anywhere right now." Derek answered, his expression never changing. He didn't  
seem all that worried about her. Clearly there was something that hadn't changed in Derek, he still didn't like to give long answers. He could've elaborated more.

"You left her in Germany? Why?" Stiles asked, feeling slightly annoyed that Derek hadn't said much about his return yet.

"To come back here." Derek replied, his expression changing to a confused one, as though what he was saying was obvious.

"Why? Clearly this isn't somewhere you want to be. You never came back after Mexico, so why now?" Stiles retorted, allowing his anger to show through.

"Stiles," Lydia said, lifting her head from Parrish's shoulder to glare at him. ",stop being rude!"

"Actually I think it's a valid question... Stiles actually has a point for once. Why now?" Liam piped up from beside Kira. Collectively everyone turned towards Derek, some waiting for an answer while others were waiting for him to freak out at them. Stiles knew how easily irritated Derek was. He knew the older man had to be getting mad by now.

"I finally had control again. After I evolved I had a hard time controlling the shift and Braeden needed my help with a few things. In exchange for my heightened  
senses she helped me find a new anchor. Once something stuck I realized I needed to come back here. Back to my home." Derek said, looking down at his feet to avoid  
everyone's eyes on him.

And wow Stiles had not been expecting that. He had been expecting a short reply of "mind your own business" before everyone was kicked out. That was what the old Derek  
would do. But this Derek was different. He was calmer and more willing to divulge his feelings. What the hell was happening.

"I wouldn't call this a home." Malia mumbled, although she clearly wasn't trying to be quiet about it because even Stiles heard her.

"You're right. It's not. My plan is to rebuild my families old house, out on the preserve. I want to have a home. I want a place where any of you can stay if you need  
too. A place that I can eventually start a family in," Derek said blushing slightly at the last part ",I was actually hoping you guys would help me... I'm not great at  
decorating or choosing things that look good together."

Derek was staying. He was back for good. Damn it. Why now? Why couldn't he have stayed away for a little while longer? Don't get him wrong, Stiles was thrilled Derek was back but he was still shaky on his resolve that Derek would never be his. It was something Stiles had been trying to burn into his brain ever since he came to realize Derek was gone. Him leaving with Braedon hurt Stiles so much that he had to constantly tell himself it was for the better, that clearly that's what Derek wanted. He'd kept pushing himself into believing Derek was gone for good and when he started to believe it, he started his moving on process. He had plans to find someone else to love and Derek being back wrecked everything.

Stiles was still strongly in the belief that he would never have Derek. He knew that Derek could never want him, him choosing to go with Braeden cemented that. But it really messed with Stiles's mind. He still loved Derek. How was he supposed to push himself to find someone new when the one he desired most was around all the time?


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses mostly on Derek's thoughts.

Stiles reaction to Derek's return had been worse than he had expected. Derek didn't expect the boy to go into a full panic. He had expected Stiles to be mad, was almost counting on it even. He knew the boy had issues with people leaving and really Derek couldn't blame him, he knew what loss felt like and how it made you feel like you'd do anything possible to prevent it, so Derek had fully expected Stiles to yell at him.

Derek had been able to smell so many different emotions coming off the teenager that he wasn't sure what to make of them. Even now, an hour after the pack had left, Derek was still confused. As he had slightly expected Stiles was the first to leave, practically bolting out of the loft, leaving a trail of scents behind. Almost instantly after the last pack member had left Derek had pounced on the chair Stiles had been in and curled up. He still hadn't moved which he knew was slightly pathetic but he really couldn't help it. He had missed Stiles so much.

Leaving couldn't have been avoided, as much as Derek hated doing it he had known it was necessary. Derek had liked Stiles smell before and of course it had been heightened in his beta form but when he was fully shifted the scent drove him crazy. When Stiles had gotten close to him Derek had almost launched himself at the boy. If they hadn't been in such a bad situation he probably would have.

Originally Derek had planned to go back to Beacon Hills and figure something out there but Braeden had said she couldn't come back with him. She had known, somehow, that Derek couldn't be with her anymore but had told him that if he wanted help controlling the shift she'd help in exchange for him helping her find some people. Derek had agreed because he couldn't get himself to shift into beta form, every time he would try he go full wolf. Of course being around Stiles wouldn't help his control so he decided to go with Braeden until he could control it.

Controlling himself was harder than he thought it would be. He could no longer anchor himself to anger. And anything else he tried backfired as well. Derek had tried everything to distract himself from his love from Stiles that it took Braeden trying to seduce him for him to realize he was going about it all wrong. He needed to make his love for Stiles his anchor not distract himself from it.

After that realization he was quickly able to control himself. He spent another month helping Braeden find the people she needed too before she finally got sick of his moping and told him to leave. He had left her in Germany but spent a week coming home. He would take a plane somewhere and spend the day, trying to figure out how to get Stiles to love him then get on another plane and do it again. Finally when he landed in California he knew he needed to just show the boy how he felt. His plan had been to ask Stiles out, take him on amazing dates and shower him with affection which was something Derek didn't usually do.

When Derek had caught Stiles scent coming up the elevator he started to get really excited. He had hoped the boy would fling himself at Derek, yelling at him to never leave again. When Stiles had started panicking upon seeing Derek standing in the loft he had realized he would have to do a lot more than just show the boy how he felt. He knew his first step would be to make Stiles forgive him, then he could make him fall in love with him.

                                                                                                        --------------------------

When Derek had gotten into his car later that night he hadn't planned on showing up at Stiles' house. He had simply planned to drive the Camaro around a little bit, he had gotten so used to driving motorcycles that driving a car felt weird to him. Somehow though he found himself turning onto Stiles street. The closer he got the better he could smell and hear Stiles. When he parked outside the boys house he was able to tell that Stiles was not only pacing but also talking to himself.

"Of course. This is just perfect. Of course he would come back now. After everything that's happened why did I expect to be let off easy this time." Stiles was mumbling, pacing back and forth. Every couple seconds Derek could see him come up to the window before retreating back to the other side of his room.

Stiles was talking to himself about Derek and that made his wolf preen. His wolf was practically prancing around with how happy it was, knowing that Stiles was thinking about Derek. He knew he still had a long way to go, but just knowing that Stiles cared enough to think about him had him feeling slightly victorious.

He had planned to give Stiles some space. Derek hadn't planned to show up at the boys house but now that he was here he couldn't just leave. He knew he had to talk to him. Derek could tell by the way Stiles was acting that if he didn't talk to him soon he'd probably start panicking again and that wasn't something he could handle hearing right now.

Getting out of the Camaro Derek locked the doors before making his way to the area under Stiles window. This wouldn't be the first time he had come in this way but he was slightly hopeful that this time would end a little differently. He had no plans to push Stiles against a wall and threaten him. This time he planned to talk to him and explain everything. He could only hope that Stiles would listen to him.

Taking a deep breath Derek jumped up and grabbed the windowsill. Luckily the window was already open so he was able to pull himself in easily. Stiles had been walking away from the window so by the time he had turned around to continue his pacing Derek was already inside and dusting off his pants. The boy jumped about a foot in the air, letting out a small scream.

"Derek! What the hell! Dude you scared the hell out of me!" Stiles exclaimed, one hand flying to his chest to press over his heart.

"I'm sorry. I just had to see you again." Derek replied moving closer to him, frowning when Stiles took a step back.

"See me again? Why? You just saw me." Stiles stated as if it was obvious, moving to sit in his desk chair.

"I need to explain myself. You need to know the real reason I left."


	5. Chapter 4

Stiles' mind was reeling. He'd been in his room freaking out about Derek's return when Derek had jumped in  
through his window. Being human Stiles wasn't able to hear or smell him coming so he didn't notice Derek was there until he had turned  
around and saw him standing there, causing Stiles to jump and scream.Though if anyone ever asked he'd deny the scream part.

"What do you mean the real reason? You said you left because you weren't under control. That's self explanatory. You  
definitely didn't need to come all this way to tell me that." Stiles says messing with some of the papers on his desk to  
avoid making eye contact with Derek. He's nervous, having Derek in his room again feels good but the fact that they are alone worries him.

"Stiles. Look at me. Please." Derek commands, his voice soft but firm. Stiles really wishes Derek hadn't told him to do  
that. Keeping his eyes focused on something else was helping keep his mind off the fact that he is completely and utterly  
in love with the man standing 2 feet behind him. He turns around though because Derek told him to. He'd probably do  
anything Derek told him to do.

"Okay. What?" Stiles asks once he's looking at Derek trying to keep his voice and expression clear of all the crazy  
emotions running through him.

"I did leave because I didn't have control. Every time I tried to shift I'd turn into a wolf, I couldn't get my beta form  
to appear no matter what I did. My plan had been to come back here and figure it out somehow. Maybe get you to research  
things for me. I don't know. But that's only half the reason, Stiles."

"Okay. What's the other half?" Stiles was beyond confused right now. Derek was telling him things he already knew. Things  
that seemed kind of obvious. Why the hell did he feel the need to drive all the way over here and tell Stiles this? And  
why Stiles? Out of everyone in the pack what made Derek choose him?

Moving to sit on Stiles' bed Derek seemed to think about what to say. He looked nervous and uncertain, "When I first  
shifted I noticed things were different. Heightened more than they were in beta form. Wish was to be expected I guess. But  
there was something else that became heightened. Something I didn't really expect. My mom could shift into a wolf and so  
could Laura but they had never mentioned this to me. At first I didn't even realize what it was. Then I remembered some  
books my mom had forced me to read. You see, Stiles, before Mexico I'd had feelings for this person. Strong feelings. This  
person... Well he drove me insane half the time, annoyed the crap out of me. But the other half? God he was amazing.  
Everything he did made my feelings stronger. And he was so supportive of me. It made my wolf happy then, but once I  
shifted into a full wolf. My wolf was freaking out. It was such an intense feeling. I couldn't describe it. His smell  
drove me insane, it had always been good but this was different. If we hadn't have been in a group of people I might have  
just latched onto him. I knew I needed better control than that. If I was going to be around him, even if he did want to  
be with me too, I knew I needed to be able to control myself around him. And somehow Braeden knew. She knew I was in love  
with him and had been for awhile. She could tell I was having trouble controlling myself so she asked me to come help her  
track some people down, in exchange she would help me learn control again. But it was harder than expected. My anchor was  
just gone. I couldn't focus on anything so I would wolf out at almost anything. One day after trying to focus for hours  
Braeden started coming onto me. I was so angry because she knew how I felt about... This guy... But she was still trying.  
I got so mad I almost turned into a wolf right then and there. Almost attacked her like she'd been attacked before. But  
then I thought about the guy, thought about how upset he would be at me for hurting a human and the urge to shift went  
away. You see I'd been so focused on finding an anchor so I could control myself around him that I hadn't been able to  
realize my love for him was my anchor. That's when I remembered the books my mom made me read. They talked about that.  
About your anchor changing to your love when you became a full wolf. One said it was because that side of you, the wolf  
side, was more dominate. It over powered the human side that just thought of a person as being someone they loved and  
made you think of them as a mate. This guy became my mate and my love for him was so strong that I couldn't focus on  
anything else."

The first thing Stiles thought when Derek was finished was holy shit that's the longest Derek has ever talked. The next  
thing was him. Him. Him. As in a guy. As in Derek was into guys and holy shit that meant he had a chance. Then what Derek  
had said really hit him and he deflated. His mate. Derek had a mate. That wasn't something he could mess with. Mates were  
sort of sacred in wolf world. Stiles had read about it when Scott had been bit. He knew all about it and if that was what  
Derek had with someone then it was done for Stiles. He had no hope. But... Derek had said Mexico. So whoever Derek's mate  
was had been in Mexico. And it was someone he had known before that as well. And what the fuck? Who the hell was it and  
why hadn't Stiles been able to tell Derek was in love with someone before?

"Why are you telling me this, Derek?" Stiles asked hesitantly. Derek had been looking at the ground but when Stiles spoke  
his head snapped up and his eyes focused on him. Stiles kept looking at him, not wanting to break eye contact because he  
could tell that whatever Derek's answer was, it was going to shock him.

"I'm telling you this, Stiles, because it's you. You're my mate."


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the horrible sex scene. It's my first time writing boyxboy and since I'm a girl I've definitely never experience it. Go easy on me.

What the hell. There was no way Stiles had heard him right. He thought Derek had just said Stiles was his mate. Which... Obviously isn't what Derek had said because that's not possible. It can't be possible. Stiles can't possibly Derek's mate. There's just no way.

"I'm sorry, what?" Stiles shouted, standing up from his chair.

"You. Are. My. Mate." Derek repeated slowly, pausing between each word as if Stiles was stupid.

"No. No I'm not." Stiles said as he started to pace.

"Yes, Stiles, you are. You're my mate." Derek said. He just kept saying that. Stiles had never thought Derek would try to hurt him but this, this was crazy.

"I'm your mate, am I?"

"Yes. Stiles please. Stop pacing. You're worrying me."

"I'm worrying you?" Stiles shouted, angry now.

"Yes. Stiles plea-"

"That's rich coming from you Derek. I spent months worried about you. Because you just left. I get that you needed to take some time to figure out control but cell phones exist. Even pay phones don't cost that much to make a 2 minute phone call to let us know you're alive. It's bullshit. And this whole mate thing. What the hell is with that? You said you had feelings for me before you left. Why the hell didn't you say anything? I've been in love with you for so long and now I find out you felt the same but didn't do anything. At least I have a reason for not doing anything, I thought you hated me, but you don't have one! There's no way you could've not known I was attracted to you. I was in a constant state of arousal around you and there's no way you couldn't smell that!" As he talked he got closer and closer to Derek so by the time he was finished Stiles was directly in front of him. Derek was just looking up at him with wide eyes, shocked by the outburst.

"I'm sorry. It's just... Attraction is different than love. I knew you were aroused by me but that didn't mean you were in love with me. Then you got with Malia and I figured you loved her." Derek said saying Malia's name on a growl.

"Oh don't use Malia as your excuse! You were with Jennifer before that!"

"I know. That... That was a distraction from everything. But things kept getting crazier and crazier. When the nogitsune happened I was so scared I was going to lose you. Then you got with Malia and I realized I had lost you. Just not the way I was worried I was going to."

"I got with Malia because I knew you wouldn't want someone like me. I had done such horrible things." Stiles voice went to a whisper and he felt like crying. The nogitsune period still messed with him, still gave him nightmares.

"That wasn't you doing them, Stiles. You were possessed. You'd never do those things. I wanted you so bad but I thought you were happy with Malia, I didn't want to ruin that for you."

"What about Braeden? That was after Malia."

"I got with Braeden to distract myself from you. I knew I couldn't have you so I got with her to try and keep my mind off you. It didn't work."

"So. You've liked me this whole time. But were to afraid to do anything about it. Then you evolved and became a wolf and realized I was your mate. So you left to control yourself so that when you came back here you wouldn't freak me out?"

"Yes." Derek breathed out the word. He seemed suddenly nervous again. As if he was afraid Stiles would reject him.

"Damn, Sourwolf. Can't just accept the fact that people love you. Can't just take what you want." Stiles whispered, too low for a human to hear but with Derek's abilities Stiles knew he had heard him. Derek only had the chance to growl at the nickname before Stiles was throwing himself into his lap.

When their lips met for the first time Stiles was almost grateful it had taken them this long to finally get together. The build up to this moment had been happening for so long and as cliche as it was, Stiles thought fireworks were going off. Kissing Derek was better than curly fries. Better than just about anything.

Derek's taste was a combination of many things. The most overpowering at the moment was coffee, he had clearly had a cup recently, but underneath that there was something else. Something that tasted so good Stiles actually moaned. He couldn't control it, Derek tasted so good that Stiles wasn't sure he was going to make it out alive.

His moan seemed to set Derek off, the wolf pulled away with a growl and started attacking Stiles' neck. Sucking love bites anywhere he could. When he got to the spot that drove Stiles crazy Derek actually grinned into the curve of his neck before going back to sucking and biting Stiles' skin.

Stiles pulled Derek's face back up to his so they could continue kissing. He couldn't get enough of the other man. He wanted more. Slowly he moved his hands down to Derek's shirt, afraid he would be stopped. When he wasn't he unbuttoned the 2 buttons that were done up then trailed his hands down farther to lift Derek's shirt. Their mouths broke apart when Stiles pulled Derek's shirt over his head. Stiles went to kiss him again before being stopped when Derek pushed Stiles' shirt over his head. Shivering Stiles made to cover himself with his hands before Derek grabbed them, flipping him over with crazy agility so that he was now laying on his back with Derek hovering above him.

"Don't cover yourself. I love your body. Love your pale skin. Love your moles. Love all of it." Derek whispered leaning down to press more kissed to Stiles chest. He hesitated a moment before pressing a kiss over Stiles nipple, when he did Stiles moaned out causing Derek to flatten his tongue and lick at it.

\------------------------

Hearing Stiles moans caused Derek to go wild. He had a constant stream of Stiles Mate Mine going through his head. His mind was swimming with pleasure and he wanted more. He wanted Stiles whimpering under him as he fed his cock into his tight hole.

Groaning Derek moved farther down Stiles body, lapping once at his happy trail before moving his hands to the buttons on Stiles' jeans. Looking up he saw Stiles nod his head so Derek went back to the button and popped it before unzipping his fly. Deciding to get this part over with quickly he pulled down Stiles jeans and boxers all in one movement.

Stiles cock bounced up when it was uncovered. Derek heard Stiles gasp but couldn't look away from where Stiles' dick was leaking precum. It was almost like he was possessed as he leaned down and took the tip in his mouth, sucking to get everything off it. He quickly pulled the rest of it into his mouth, wanting more of the taste. He groaned when he felt more precome dribble onto his tongue and the action made Stiles jut his hips up and whine. Derek kept sucking until Stiles pushed him off. He tried to fight him, didn't want to let go yet but the teenager pulled at his hair and it caused him to moan which allowed Stiles dick to slip out of his mouth.

"Don't wanna come like this. Wanna come with you in me. Please." Stiles gasped. And that Derek could work with. He quickly situated himself farther down Stiles body, so he was lying between his legs. Before Stiles had anytime to adjust Derek was lifting his legs, pressing them to his chest. And that spurred Derek on even more, having Stiles on display for him drove him mad so before Stiles had the chance to say anything Derek was leaning down and lapping at his rim.

If Derek thought kissing Stiles was good well this was amazing. Stiles was so sweet and it made Derek want to devour him. He kept lapping at his rim, never going inside, just getting it all sloppy and wet. Stiles was trembling now, a constant whine pouring out a him. Derek just kept up the same speed never faltering until Stiles moved his hands to tangle in Derek's hair, pulling and massaging his head.

"More. More. More. Please Derek need more, need you in me. Please." Stiles choked out, sounding desperate. And who was Derek to deny the boy that. He pulled back to suck his own finger into his mouth, earning a sound of protest from Stiles, before he slowly sank it into the trembling boy. Stiles let out the sweetest sound then and Derek felt himself growl at how good this all felt.

Derek tried to go slow but Stiles kept telling him he needed more so Derek kept adding fingers until he finally realized that he was up to 4 and unless Stiles wanted Derek's whole fist in there the only more he could get was Derek's cock. Pulling his fingers out he wiped them clean before moving off the bed. Stiles turned to look at him, his eyes glazed over. When he realized what Derek was doing he moaned and made a move to grab his leaking cock. Derek growled in warning and Stiles moaned again before moving his hands to pull his legs back up, showing himself to Derek.

"Lube. Stiles, we need lube, now." Derek said when he managed to get his jeans off. Stiles never took his eyes off Derek's cock, just simply pointed to his nightstand. Realizing the boy was too far gone to talk or move Derek quickly got the lube before walking back to the bed and climbing on top of Stiles.

Derek slicked up his cock before lining it up to Stiles rim. Before he could push in though he moved so he was above Stiles and kissed him. He kept kissing him as he slowly pushed forward until he felt the head of his dick pop in. He kept kissing him as he pushed until he was fully inside the boy. Then it fully hit him what was happening and he groaned into Stiles mouth.

Stiles was gasping for air underneath him so Derek thought it would be best to hold still for a minute. Which worked out well because with everything Derek was feeling he wasn't sure if he would be able to move right now. Stiles was so tight. So hot. Derek was overwhelmed by everything he was feeling. He was having a difficult time controlling his wolf right now and he felt his eyes bleed to bright blue. Stiles gasped and Derek looked down, avoiding eye contact. He felt so ashamed. He couldn't control himself enough and had scared Stiles. Damn it why did he always mess things up.

"Derek. Look at me. Please," Stiles whispered lifting Derek's chin, "Your so beautiful. So perfect for me. Don't be ashamed of who you are. I love every part of you. So please don't hide from me. Also... Please god move!"

Derek felt himself grin at Stiles before quickly pulling out and slamming back into the boy. When Stiles moaned Derek just smirked before repeating the motion. Before he knew it he was keeping a constant pace and Stiles was canting his hips up to meet every thrust.

Stiles felt so good around him, Derek knew he wouldn't last. He quickly moved one of his hands to encase Stiles' cock, jerking it in time with his thrusts. Only a few seconds later Stiles was calling out Derek's name as ribbons of cum shot out of his dick and onto his stomach. Derek felt Stiles clench around him and he was gone, moaning the boys name as he came deep inside him.

Derek felt himself gone boneless but before he could crush Stiles he flipped onto his side, pulling Stiles with him. Derek was breathing deeply and trying to catch his breath while Stiles panting slowed down. Derek was sure the boy was asleep and he made a move to get up before he was pulled back down by Stiles' arms.

"No. Stay. Don't go." Stiles said cuddling further into Derek's side.

"I was going to get a cloth." Derek said chuckling as Stiles buried his face in the crook of Derek's neck.

"No. Stay here for a little longer. I like this. Stay with me for awhile."

"Baby, I'll stay with you forever if you'll let me." Derek whispered, moving to kiss Stiles forehead. Derek knew they still had some stuff to work out but this felt so right that as Derek started to drift off all he could think about was how he never wanted to let Stiles go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end. Thanks to everyone that's read my story. Hope you enjoyed it :)


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